Why Porn, Vibrators and Fantasy Can Ruin Your Sex Life ~Part 1
these common sexual tools can take us out of the present moment, overwhelm subtle sensations, cause tension & compression, and disassociate us from our bodies & connection to our partner
It is like a chef using too many chili peppers and salt in EVERY dish- it just overwhelms the flavors and makes it hard to enjoy the subtle differences and flavor combinations available! Plus it deadens your palate over time, so your tastebuds just stop being sensitive.
It is the same with your sexuality.
This is why I work with my clients to connect their own unique bodies and pleasure pathways. I invite them into a whole new way of re-learning/re-claiming ways to notice, feel, sense, DROP-IN, and appreciate even the most subtle and delicate sensations. And then how to expand them and choose when and how to add more spice!
The reason I encourage my clients to self-pleasure alternating with & WITHOUT using porn, vibrator, or fantasy is to re-sensitize to slower, more subtle human touch- your own or your partner’s.
To be honest, if some use porn in a harmful way...it is also important to point out that many people use vibrators & fantasy in a very similar way. Because they want to achieve quick orgasmic relief, right?
That is all fine, except when it becomes the ONLY way, or the main way to access pleasure, turn on, and orgasm.
That can create a very habitual, disembodied, and disconnected pattern that will separate people from partners, their own body, their heart or sensual core, or life force energy.
Vibrators & porn can, over time, create an addiction pattern in your brain to the high-intensity stimulation that leads to a fast climax. It can also desensitize you and make it more difficult to respond to your own or a partner’s touch.
This is even more alarming and harmful when very young kids habituate to porn and vibrators as their sexuality is developing- creating deep neural pathways in the brain that can be hard to change.
This has caused a huge epidemic of young teens having a distorted understanding of s3x and being unable to maintain erections or experience pleasure and orgasm when they are finally intimate with an actual partner.
I know because I was addicted to vibrators from a young age, and it has been VERY challenging to re-wire my pleasure pathways in my brain to human touch and more natural orgasmic response…but I will say that once I learned to tune into more subtle and “human-based” touch my spectrum of pleasure, sensitivity, and bliss REALLY opened up.
As for fantasy, like anything…a little bit is wonderful and a rich part of our s3xual spectrum.
But if you are dependent on it, find it difficult to focus on your partner, or can’t become turned-on and aroused unless you have this added stimulation of fantasy- then it may be time to slowly wean off of it - or use it less.
On the positive side, using these tools may be a reliable and easy way many people can access pleasure and orgasm, due to being single or in a s3xless relationship, or dealing with certain physical limitations or challenges that make it difficult to experience pleasure and orgasm in other ways. It can be really fun to play with all the possibilities and bring spice and new experiences into our s3xual repertoire - alone or partnered!
Porn, fantasy & vibrators can be GREAT…but just try to keep it in perspective and stay connected to your body and a sense of what is in your highest good!
I am an advocate for pleasure without shame- so YES do what feels good!
I would argue EVERYONE can build deeper and more powerful sensual pleasure skills without relying on porn, vibrators, or fantasy- but like any skill, it takes time and practice.
If you are struggling with porn, fantasy, or reliance on vibrators, or feel that your s3xual response or pleasure capacity has been impacted- please reach out to me for a free Discovery Call. Let’s have a chat about what is going on for you, what you desire to experience instead, and how we could support your full pleasure capacity that is your birthright!
