My Journey into Love, Sex & Relationships Coaching
(or, “what was I thinking??”)
I am finally ready to share how and why I have chosen to retire from my 20+ year jewelry career. It has been an interesting process…how to introduce my new path as a Love, Sex and Relationship Coach, with a focus on Self-Love and Empowerment.
I have to admit this has been very difficult to share with you in this public way. It feels incredibly vulnerable, and also necessary. Thank you for witnessing me and sharing the journey.
So here it is.
Even as my career shifts, what has not changed is the inspiration to help people unlock, uncover and celebrate their unique contributions of beauty in the world. With my jewelry business, I know how to help people express their beauty on the outside, but this path has led me to something far deeper, using profound tools for self-knowledge and self-love.
Evolution is something I believe in, both on a Universal scale and a deeply personal level, and the last 6 years have felt like a rapid evolution with my private journey evolving along with my jewelry business.
My decision to close my Aspen store a few years ago and focus on the Carbondale gallery was initiated by my personal need to grow, to heal, and to process the changes that were occurring internally.
As is often the case, these changes were sparked by my own tragedy and loss.
The grief caused by the long illness and final death of my partner Justin in 2013 was certainly a catalyst. And it woke me to a soul-calling that was a long time coming.
This calling has been speaking to me since childhood. It was a strong desire in my heart to serve in whatever way I am most gifted and able. This inner voice often woke me in the middle of the night when I was a kid and asked loudly, “Why am I here? What is my purpose in this lifetime?”
Maybe I was just a weird child...
I was a high achiever, a hard worker, and a good friend and daughter. I loved helping people and animals, and I had exquisite connections to nature. I enjoyed a grounded spirituality that gave me moments of sublime connection when I was alone in the forest. I had many good times, and have always felt extremely blessed.
Dancing at the Age of 17 - Island of Kaua'i
But...somehow even the good things didn't totally fit. I was often melancholic, extremely sensitive. I was an introvert and felt like an outsider in my own life. I had bouts of depression and self-loathing.
The self-loathing came from critical voice inside that judged my life and work and even my SELF as not unique or important, or artistic enough. I know many people experience different versions of this critical voice. I called it "The Predator." It drove me, punished me, and almost took me out.
So I had two conflicting voices. One that said I was here for a specific and important reason, maybe even sacred. And another, The Predator, that said I was worthless, and nothing I did was good enough.
This inner conflict kept me separated from fully receiving my blessings, and I had a hard time feeling I deserved the gifts I had been given, or the life I created. I operated under the belief that “work is hard” and it took all of my blood, sweat, and tears to make my little creative business succeed.
But mostly, as this inner critic cut me down, I struggled with my own worthiness. It was difficult to love and accept myself, or to think I was enough.
This “not enough-ness” permeated every part of my life -- from my intimate relationships, to friendships, my professional life, and most especially my relationship with myself.
No matter what I created, or how well I did in my career or my life, the way I was living didn't seem to answer those old questions about "why am I here." And I began to doubt that I would ever find ou.
From the outside my life looked great. I had a successful and creative career that enabled me to travel, I was healthy, and I had good, loving people in my life. I had a lot to be grateful for, and I was. Truly and deeply. And yet...
The calling was still there. The aspirational voice was telling me this wasn't it. Urging me to keep looking.
And the predatory voice was there too. Saying no matter what, I wasn't worthy. So, “suck it up, buttercup!”
So I just decided that I would always feel unfulfilled in this way, and to try to accept it. But I couldn't accept it. Because in this way, i wasn't truly happy.
Something had to give, yet I had no clear answers as to "what was wrong."
All this time I kept up the outside motions of life and work, but year after year I felt further and further away from my light, and my joy. I went to therapy and tried to take better care of myself. I did all the things I knew how to do. I read books. I talked to friends. I hiked and I skied. I prayed. But mostly I worked and worked and I did my best to do all the "things" to take care of the people and responsibilities in my life.
Overall I was surviving, not thriving. I saw myself aging rapidly, my vitality draining, and I felt a cloud of dullness in my heart and mind. It was like wearing a heavy coat that didn’t fit me any longer, and I was suffocating.
I struggled with confusion over WHAT was being asked of me. WHERE to go? HOW to change? WHO was I anymore?
And then my partner Justin got cancer. And our lives blew apart.
When Justin got sick, I hit the bottom of this depression; I realized I just had to let go, trust and live into the answer. Something had to change. All I could do was respond with “Show me, and I will do it.” I had no clear idea what this meant at the time, but I did know it began with deeply listening and healing myself first. I began to realize that parts of me that ached in loneliness, insecurity, fear and unworthiness also deserved to be handled in a different way, since punishing myself for these flaws obviously wasn't working.
I decided to start meditating. Every morning. Daily meditation practice helped calm and ground me. It felt like a window of peace in my life, subtle yet profound.
It was in this space of deeper peace and acceptance that I was able to be fully present, loving and brave when Justin passed away from his illness. I held him in my arms as he drew his last breath. It was a profoundly powerful, and terrible moment. I was face to face with death and pain, as I held this man I so dearly loved. And yet I felt profound peace. And the power of my heart. And that, this too, I could hold. This moment was a tremendous gift, even as it was one of the most difficult and challenging moments of my life.
From that place, the armor of my heart melted open in a new way. And I entered my life with a deeper understanding of what it meant to truly listen to my inner guidance and choose a new path. I realized I had nothing left to lose, and no time to waste. I owed it to Justin, and I owed it to myself.
I began dancing more, a lifelong passion of mine that gets me out of my head, and connects my body to my higher self in a pleasurable and fun way! I started with Tango to learn how to dance in partnership. And I become more committed to ecstatic dance, a form of movement meditation.
As my body opened and my joy increased, I went deeper with two amazing dance teacher trainings in order to learn more and to challenge myself.
Dance to Honor the 4 Directions & Sacred Masculine & Feminine
First I explored 5Elements Dance and then Mystical Dance. Both honored the body as a sacred doorway into emotion, expression, and healing, and taught me how to create a safe space for people to journey into their bodies and explore the more shadowy and shamanic aspects of the inner world with authentic movement.
I had already been working with teachers in Tantric and Taoist meditation and healing practice in the feminine arts, and just kept going deeper. I was following some mysterious force that was calling me forward. These women guided and held a space of safety for the profound shifts I needed to make in healing sexual trauma from childhood.
In them, I had found mentors who embodied the integrity, humble authenticity, and clear vision of how to bring these practices into the world, and how to live these teachings in real time.
I started connecting my feelings of insecurity and lack of self-love with this unhealed childhood trauma. I learned how a part of me was frozen as a wounded 4 year old, and a childish fear of deep unsafety and rejection was running my personal and romantic relationships.
Wow! Who would ask a little insecure child to run their love life? Well, once I started dating again it became abundantly clear that this is something I had always done- even during my 16 year relationship. It was humbling to see this, but once I connected the dots, it was clear as day.
As I dropped into my inner experiences more deeply, I began to realize how truly numb I was on a physical and energetic level. I had shut down parts of myself in order to survive the trauma as a little girl, and had continued to live my adult life through that lens. I decided now was the time to empower my adult self to re-parent this little one inside with love, compassion, and patience.
Through embodiment and integration practices of dance, breath, sound, expressive art, and Taoist and Tantric exercises I began healing from the inside out, and created my own path of self-empowerment and self-love. I committed to not just talk or read about it, but to live into self-love one step at a time.
On this journey I have learned to dance, literally and figuratively, with my own shadows, and find acceptance and compassion for the parts of myself that were afraid to be seen, afraid of love, and afraid to change.
I built a relationship to the Divine in a very personal way that is soulful, meaningful, and rich to me. I learned how to create an Inner Marriage to myself, to meet my own Divine Beloved, to find integration with all my parts- the light and the dark.
And through that doorway I discovered a deep commitment to my own unconditional love within...again and again. And again.
I realized there was nothing to fix. That I had an original essence that was Pure Love, and all this work was just to remove the limitations I had placed on that amazing potential within me. This was so liberating!
Mystical Dance Shadow Ceremony - Thailand
During this whole process I had been primarily focused on my own healing. But as the process of coming back into my wholeness bore fruit, I began to realize I was being guided to share with others who might be served by what I was learning.
Finally, I committed to an intensive 15 month 600 hour coaching program with the Tantric Institute of Integrative Sexuality that offered me a deeper dive into the structure to organize and share these valuable tools with others.
This was the path that leads me here in this moment. Now I am ready to offer what has worked for me.
So, why coaching? Why not become a therapist?
In my experience with traditional therapy (and I was in therapy over the years with very loving, talented therapists) the focus is on "the Problem"and primarily uses mental techniques to analyze it and understand it- from a very top down cortical perspective.
Whereas, when I began receiving coaching from "coaches-in-training" who weren't even very experienced yet, but were using the tools we were learning, the difference was remarkable.
Suddenly, My whole body-mind-spirit was engaged in the work in a unified way, and I was creating inner connections and reintegrating the splits that had existed since childhood. I felt like my coach was walking WITH me and supporting me, instead of analyzing me, and "what was wrong" with me.
Further, the therapeutic model is flipped on its head. Instead of focusing on “the problem” manifesting in your life, the coach will focus on The DESIRE. The Dream. For me, this was the Inner voice that asked me “Why am I here?"
A good coach will ask: What do you desire to create? What do you most want to experience or feel in your life? What is possible and what is blocking you from what you desire? What do you believe you can create and in what ways do you lose your faith and energy toward those goals? What do you feel you deserve or are worthy of experiencing? Where are your primary gifts and and most potent saboteurs?
And a good coach will hold a space of safety, curiosity and discovery to find the best answers for you.
By focusing on the client’s specific desire, we can access the clear and tangible steps to that goal. And, in the process, discover exactly what parts of the client’s body-mind are blocking that goal. From there we work together as a team to gently clarify and offer a space for these parts of the body-mind to be seen, heard, honored, and deeply met with love and compassion, and finally integrated into wholeness.
It is through the specific tools that address these unconsciously abandoned, rejected, and unmet parts of the body-mind where profound healing and transformation occurs.
My specific training unites cutting-edge therapies based in neuroscience and neuropsychology, breath work, gestalt and integration therapy, trauma research, and the most respected and proven relationship techniques and the latest advancements in understanding of human sexuality, attachment and bonding.
I also also incorporate movement and embodiment practices from my 30 years of experience in dance and martial arts training (many people don’t know that I am also a 2nd degree black belt- but that is another story:)
1996 Soo Bahk Do National Champions - All Women Team Form for 1st time in history
All of this is grounded in thousands of years of human understanding passed down through the Eastern wisdom traditions of Tantric and Taoist practices, meditations and spiritual technologies. These ancient sciences integrate our body-mind on all levels, instinctually, emotionally, mentally, and energetically.
This work is focused to work the body, mind and spirit simultaneously- not just the logical cortical brain, but the emotional limbic system and the primal brain.
The tools I use involve a multi-layered approach including visualization, tuning into physical sensation, body-mind mapping, breath work, movement therapy, trauma release, expressing stuck emotions through sound and so much more.
By focusing on desires, we are also able to harness the innate capacity of your system for pleasure and joy. So it is a positive and creative model that engages and activates all aspects of the client.
The style of coaching I have learned empowers the individual as it is guided and formed by his/her unique needs and desires. We work together as a team, and are able to create profound results. No two sessions are alike, which creates an environment of curiosity and discovery that is inspiring and enlivening.
By focusing on the clear, yet flexible and evolving goal as our North Star, and by using these transformational tools, I am able to work with a client over a specific period of time, the norm being 10 sessions within 6 months.
The client will experience deep shifts in a profound and effective way, and in a timetable that is clear and definite. I find this model of effective coaching creates a positive feedback loop as internal blocks are softened and transformed, and the client experiences significant results in a short period of time.
Another unique feature of this coaching model, is that it I do nearly all of my sessions over Skype. So you can fit this into your schedule, and experience top-level coaching from the comfort of your home. All you need is privacy and a good internet connection. Some may question this method, but I have discovered there is a powerful intimacy and safety created by using this technology. It may be hard to believe until you experience it.
My intention is that my clients will leave our work together deeply shifted and supported by new powerful tools and techniques.
My goal is that they will grow into a fuller sense of optimism and increased resilience, having ignited their ability to love and care for their inner ecology.
My desire is to empower each client to become their own master and protector through this deeper understanding of not only the “what” but the “how” of their whole body-mind system. This inner knowledge and wisdom will be incredibly useful for their entire life.
It is thrilling work. I feel passionate and connected to a sense of purpose that has invigorated me on all levels. I am profoundly grateful that this lifetime of searching has culminated in this work. I know I have found my purpose and my calling. I can finally answer those questions that were keeping me up night.
I am awed and humbled by the power of these practices. I continue to experienced the value of transformational coaching and how it impacts my life in the most profound way. I am so thrilled to be able to share this with my clients!
If I were to distill the core of what I have learned~ it is that the body is our temple, the brain is a miraculous tool, and the soul is the fire within that connects us to wisdom and knowledge. All are worthy of honor.
We are born with a template for wholeness, and then life happens.
I am passionate about this Truth: world peace begins with our own relationship to Self. Only from wholeness can we offer our fully expressed gifts, and this is a living and breathing process of evolution as we come home to ourselves.
The desire to know ourselves and the yearning for meaning, joy, and pleasure is common to all. More and more people are answering the call to take that inward journey. Be it from crisis (like me) or simple awareness, the invitation for change and transformation is here!
I am here to be of service, to help others in cultivating the Inner Compass of self-love and self-worth. I have discovered in myself how quickly these life-long patterns and deeply painful blocks can be shifted with these practices, and I am excited to now offer my clients these tools of transformation.
I am already working with private clients around the world and I am thrilled and honored to serve as a guide and a companion to those who are ready.
I am ready.
If you are interested in my private coaching, workshops, or special events, you can click here to be added to a contact list to receive more information or to schedule a Free 60 minute discovery call to assess your specific needs and desires. Together we can explore if I am most suited to serve you at this time!
I will continue to write about this journey as it unfolds. I invite you to join me on this path of evolution, transformation and pleasure!
With Deep Gratitude and Love,
Harmony Scott
